Its a feel-good thing...

It is indeed amazing to know how the little things in life have the most profound effects on our highly vulnerable lives.  Sometimes several small occurences gain a place so esteem in our lives that, all the other conspiciously massive happenings appear triflings. Sometimes its wisdom to not worry about the 'big' things in life because more often than not, they turn out to be pseudo-huge! [There's just too much of physics in my brains right now, thus, the word 'pseudo'!]

The past few weeks have been like a roller coaster ride for me. A moment I am happy and the next, I am clueless. But now that I sit and introspect about the whole phase, beautifully inconspicious things jump up and proclaim their genuine worth to me. I have come to realise that the best kind of happiness, that anyone can ever experience, is the one we get from our duirnal happenings, which suddenly make your whole life so worthwhile. Thats when you truly, madly, deeply start believing in the magical spell called, 'Life'!

To see a butterfly run about in a park is one of the most beautiful and serene scenes of the world. It exudes a feeling of freedom and vivaciousness. Little things like seeing two birds mate or birds taking care of their young ones - it all makes us feel so nice about it without any possible connection to us. Just like that, the small things in life like, hoping for your favourite song on radio and getting to hear it almost instantly, seeing a baby on the road and he/she smiling back at you when you give him/her a smile, thinking of the line of an old song, and suddenly recollecting it out of nowhere, picking up a proper dance step and being able to do that well,  your best friend complimenting you [Moreso when he/she is just too miserly with his/her compliments!], thinking of an old friend and receiving an SMS from him/her after a really long time, hearing something nice about yourself while you are trying to eavesdrop a conversation, being able to resist your favourite food while you are on diet, answering a quiz question right[accidentally!], screaming your lungs out while singing with friends in between classes, learning that your dad or mom is happy about something you did, being able to cook up a good meal, cleaning your cupboard after a long time and finding your old favourite shorts, reading the entries of your high school slam-book and feeling as if you were the most popular one out there, teasing a friend about an alleged link up, being able to crack a good joke without making a fool of yourself, helping the person on the road who lost his way, giving a ride to a person who cant find a rickshaw, coming to know that your crush asked about you to your friends, flirting innocently with a friend, saying 'Love You!' to the people you adore, telling the truth when mom asks something, suddenly realising that we always have a reason to smile.

The day we are able to find happiness in the smallest things in our life, that will be the day we'll start acuumulating our happiness for the big things in life. And for people like me, still waiting for a big thing to happen, I guess these small things will truly, madly, deeply keep us fine. After all 'Life is indeed Beautiful'!

A Step Down...

A 16-yr old from your school, who was your friend as well, wins a talent show and is then selected to represent India in the world wide platform. You hear this from your another friend on phone, when you had called him up to ask him about some doubts you had in 'Electrostatics' while truly, madly, deeply preparing for the JEE. [Yes, the over-hyped JEE!] It seems as though life is mocking at you! On one hand, one amongst you gets to kiss the coveted lips of fame, success, opportunity and most importantly luck! On the other far end of the hand, you sit and wreck your brains in search of some totally inconspicuous physics answer which in no way can affect or perhaps improve your existence.
My school motto said, "Offer equal opportunities to all, so that they can rise to their fullest potential." I so wish that our dear mortal friend Mr. Life believed in the same motto. Now this blog might just appear like a big complain letter to my loser-life, but this is not just that, it is a proof of how low a person's morale can go due to the success of a contemporary. I lie at that crossroad of life where I need to work hard to try and think of the best way to establish my own self, in its truest sense. Whilst me doing this, I hear of a person who has got so much of success so early in his life! This disheartens us to a very great extent. In fact to the extent that we need to run a reality check on our own self, our own achievements, our own goals and also about our own capabilities! For the massive mediocre I am a part of, I might take, to say the least, a decade to call myself an good-earner. But this person gets an excellent base to start on, right at the age of 16. Lady luck grins at him, and gives a horrendously huge frown at me.
Of all the good things we learn in life, we learn about the seven sins as well. And the worst among them, 'ENVY' becomes our best friend. Maybe its not that we aren't happy for Mr/Ms Successful, its just that we truly, madly, deeply start wishing for at least the 'S' of success. Maybe we can pull through the other letters to just 'suc[k]' up.
This is not just happening to me, for how much I know of this world, I think everyone finds such a person who makes us realise how unworthwhile we are. Everyone reaches a point where we lose our self confidence and try our best to self deprecate our self. What we then desperately need is an assurance from our inner self that screams, "Go ahead, Champ! You can do it!"
I was going through all this the whole day, and then suddenly, out of the blue, one of my friend tells me something which laser prints itself into my A4 size heart. She simple says, "But I think, life is fair. It knows very well what to give whom and when to give it!" Maybe she is right! We might not always get the thing at the time we 'want' it but maybe we will get it at a time when we 'need' it. Maybe my friend needs to be successful now. Maybe I am better off without any success now. Maybe this thing will get me more motivated towards my 'entrance-exam-cracking-fiasco'. Maybe life thinks I have too much on my platter now that there is no place, there is no need for any success. After all we can always very grapes-are-sour-ly say, "If life gave us everything, where would we keep it!"

That Thing Called Love...

I truly, madly, deeply believe in true, mad and deep love. Before I delve into the myriad roads of our dear old emotion 'LOVE', just want all you readers to know that I am all of 17 and what you read is reflection of what I think now - not necessarily the way I am going to think life long. There is a favourite quote of mine by Albert Einstein, "How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?" Its a favourite more so because I am not a Biology person myself. When a genius like Albert [I work in first name basis!] cannot or perhaps didn't dare to decipher the true definition of love, who on earth gives me the authority to define it? I guess its my dear, dear broken heart which gives me the authority.

Circa 21st December,2006. I realise and declare my teeny weeny crush for a guy in school. And its been more then two years and what I didn't realise is that my teeny weeny crush is not teeny weeny anymore...its a full blown love affair, wherein you guessed it right, I am truly madly deeply in love with the guy. The years which started of blissfully continued to be laden with bliss, till suddenly Mr. Trouble decided to show his incorrigible and unwanted face. The two year beautiful relationship came to a standstill, worse cause I was clueless about it. A month passed by with the bloody B-letter word [Break-up] staring at my face. Midnight tears, advices from close friends, resolutions to cry no more-think no more-keep smiling, efforts to gain back the confidence and most importantly attempts at making the 'thing' work once again. All passed and 'we' met up again after a hiatus of a month. We spoke, we decided, we cried, we dreamt, we smiled and... we did all this together. Friends can be lovers, but lovers can never be friends. We have decided to challenge that one.

Trust me, being just friends is what hurts the most. I hear him speak and I remember all those things he used to tell me. From being a useless tomboyish girl to being a hopeless romantic wasn't a tough one with him around. But going back to be the same, without him around, not that easy! What keeps going on within you is all those times you spend together, all those intimate moments you shared, all those innocent games you played, all those naughty jokes you cracked, all those cheesy lines you said, and all those things which were meant to be forever...for eternity. Everything starts to remind you of that person. Maybe first love is supposed to be like that. Its like a virtual reality game. Even when the game gets over, you still feel you are in it. You get addicted to it. It actually becomes your sole and soul reality. It is said that you remember your first love forever. I have pretty much come to hate the word 'forever' maybe forever. A person who captures your dreams and weaves them intertwined with his and promises to fulfil each of them forever, [There we go! Another 'forever' in place!] suddenly snatches his dreams away, leaving our own fabric of dream torn apart into shreds. Am I to feel so hurt forever?[!!!] I am definitely not the only one who goes through a break-up. I know that. But that doesn't help either. Just because there are many people suffering, doesn't reduce the pain.

What really amazes me the most in this time is that my heart goes through tremendous amount of juggling. For a moment it gives me the 'joy' of being single and ready to mingle. The other moment gives me the 'enthusiasm' of meeting new people each day. A moment finds me in an extremely pensive mood dipped in nostalgia. Another, discovers me within a dilemma about whether I must move on or 'live' with him forever![Ahem!] There aren't any rules or righteousness in emotions after all. But I am so confused about what I should be 'ideally' following.

Maybe I just truly madly deeply believe that I love him. Maybe I really do love him. Maybe I prefer the latter. Maybe I might laugh at this blog a few years or 'maybe' months later. Or maybe I will still cry thinking of the past. Maybe I will some day get over him. Or maybe I might live life long with his virtual presence. [Maybe I shouldn't use maybe's anymore] After this tremendous tryst with the most complex human emotion, I sometimes doubt my own love for him. Every time I doubt, I hear the wind whisper to me in his voice,"I love you so much." That's when I know, I am definitely truly madly deeply in love with him definitely for now and maybe forever...for eternity!