As long as humans will live, communication will be alive. As long as communication lives, there are bound to be interpersonal conflicts. Resolving those very conflicts are a sign of a mature individual with sufficient amount of Emotional Quotient. This story is about such an interpersonal conflict where resolving the conflict is confusing as there isn't anything wrong or right about emotions ever.
Coming from the land, where arranged marriages are not uncommon, I have always tried to understand the amount of interpersonal conflicts it creates. The situation goes: A pretty South-Indian girl meets, falls in love and decides to marry a handsome North-Indian boy. One might think everything seems perfectly simple as the people involved in this very institution of marriage are agreeable to the proverbial pact of spending the coming seven lives with each other. But fortunately or unfortunately it is not that easy. Fortunately, because many in India die due to lack of drama in their lives, and stories pertaining to familial matters always interest Indians. Nevertheless, the simple love story comes to a standstill.
Now the issue is of the strict, conservative and geographically oppositely placed set of parents. The young couple in love is suddenly not allowed to get married to each other because their parents - the people who would hardly spend time with each other - have a problem with each other. And that very problem doesnt stay restricted to their minds, but are very well percolated into the minds of the young lovers turning their dream of holy matrimony to an absolutely obsolete idea. The reasoning parents use is the fact that too much diversity in the culture of the bride and the groom will create household conflicts and cause irrefutable marital problems leaving the idea of being together redundant. This way of thinking is understandable to a very large extent, but again the fact that two mature individuals have decided to be with each other after supposed thinking-over comes into the picture. Hence questioning their intent or maturity is not exactly called for.
This brings us to the question of resolving such a conflict. This is a very common dilemma and since this involves emotions, it is difficult to think of a generic answer. The choice to be made is about choosing family or the person you want to get married to. Is it morally right for the young lovers to disregard their parents who have brought them up and go ahead with the marriage or is it alright for them to forget about the love they shared because their parents always know the right thing?
Now the issue is of the strict, conservative and geographically oppositely placed set of parents. The young couple in love is suddenly not allowed to get married to each other because their parents - the people who would hardly spend time with each other - have a problem with each other. And that very problem doesnt stay restricted to their minds, but are very well percolated into the minds of the young lovers turning their dream of holy matrimony to an absolutely obsolete idea. The reasoning parents use is the fact that too much diversity in the culture of the bride and the groom will create household conflicts and cause irrefutable marital problems leaving the idea of being together redundant. This way of thinking is understandable to a very large extent, but again the fact that two mature individuals have decided to be with each other after supposed thinking-over comes into the picture. Hence questioning their intent or maturity is not exactly called for.
This brings us to the question of resolving such a conflict. This is a very common dilemma and since this involves emotions, it is difficult to think of a generic answer. The choice to be made is about choosing family or the person you want to get married to. Is it morally right for the young lovers to disregard their parents who have brought them up and go ahead with the marriage or is it alright for them to forget about the love they shared because their parents always know the right thing?
Thanks, Megha, for this post. It's fairly clear, and while not always concise and a bit verbose, certainly entertaining. Talk about an age-old problem! Which interpersonal arena has more convulsions than marriage? (or in this case, pre-marriage....)
ReplyDeleteFor this discussion, I would have liked a few more details in specific on what makes the families (and by extension, their cultures) so different. I have the feeling you are making the assumption that the rest of us understand when in fact, since we are not Indian, we don't.
Anyway, I also look forward to reading the comments of your bogging group members. Where are they, I wonder? (maybe your groups needs a powwow to ensure that everyone gets comments.)
Aside from that, I have a few questions, as usual:
- You state as follows: "...there isn't anything wrong or right about emotions ever." Huh? If that were the case, why should we ever self-regulate? What would be the incentive for developing a most acute EQ is all emotions are created equal and equally acceptable. (I'm imagining the fiery temper, the obstinate cold shoulder, the jealous rage....all acceptable?)
A few language use observations:
- Resolving those very conflicts are a sign..... >>> Resolving those very conflicts is a sign... (the subject is the singular "resolving")
- Coming from the land, where arranged marriages are not uncommon, I have always tried to understand the amount of interpersonal conflicts it creates. >>> Coming from the land where arranged marriages are not uncommon, I have always tried to understand the amount of interpersonal conflicts THOSE create.
- And that very problem doesnt stay restricted to their minds, but are very well percolated into the minds of the young lovers ... >>> ?
Can you consider these, please?
Hey Megha,
ReplyDeleteI know that arranged marriages still exist, but I don't understand why.
Of course, all parents want their children to get what is best. But after trying to put myself in their shoes, I still don't quite understand why they expect 2 people--who don't know each other before--will be able to live happily together until the end of time.
Answering you question, I don't think parents are always right. But well, we have to listen to them to some extent. So if the young couple can explain to their parents that things have changed and can really show that their future is promising, everything should be fine.
Cheers,
Tong
@Tong,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your reply. I agree with the fact that you should be able to explain it to the parents well enough to convince them that it is good for you.
@Brad,
Thank you so much for your feedback. About the questions you raised:
1. I have noted the grammatical errors.
2. I will keep in mind to elaborate in a concise yet substantial manner. I get your point about me not explaining much about the Indian background.
3. I am very convinced that you shouldnt considering any of your emotion as wrong. As long as you do not hurt anyone as an outcome of your emotion, it should not affect others. Its the action which is right or wrong. For eg, if a person is jealous, but doesnt do anything to show it, it cannot be considered wrong. The EQ helps us self regulate our actions, so that we do not emotionally, physically or intellectually hurt anyone. Again, this is my opinion about emotions.
Hey Megha,
ReplyDeleteYour conclusion is clear and direct. I applaud you for that. :)
Your post is sometimes hard to follow:
-You seem to try to explain a simple idea in many words.
-In "Fortunately and unfortunately", you seem to have had two ideas but you did not elaborate on the latter one.
- "are not uncommon", there is a double negation which might confuse people.
-Try using commas, they will help with the flow of ideas in your post.
As for the question: It is hard to go ignoring your parents' wish in such a culture. It is even harder to live with the regret of leaving someone you deeply love. But one sure thing is that if life is hard after disregarding your parents wish because they will stop supporting you. Then the only thing that will keep you going is solid love, which is usually enough to start a life and progress for a better ending.
Hope this helps, :)
Lance